enjoy it while you can kid you'll miss it later

remember when we were kids and blackouts were almost like holidays?

well, at least they broke up the monotony some.

we don't like blackouts as much these days.

yeah part of it is because we grew up and aren't as handily amused

then some of our growths were stunted, emotionally, by drugs.

i theorize that the correlation between central electricity and age may not even be the overarching cause.

sure, it's bad not to have power in most human settings... since the industrial revolution

woody guthrie is one of the reasons we're all saying what we want to say online. he said, himself, that there "ain't no country extry fine.. when you're just a mile from the end of the [power] line"

but we scream and cry and panic when our phones and computers because of the grib they have.

since it coincides with my decision to stay busier while work and school are sparse,

i have decided that i will embrace every much-needed break from technology gone awry. i've neglected reading, academia, friendships, real life events

to be sitting here, jet lagged, at 7:50am typing this

i will walk every day. i will never lie on the couch again. while my phone is broken, i'll do something constructive, creative. fear is the mind killer, but convenient technology is the talent killer.

i'll strive to sink as much time into self-expression (particularly when it goes back as far as histroy, like playing a musical instrument) as i do online.

i'm glad this phone is a piece of shit. today i make a change. today i stop giving a fuck that the talent-crusher isn't giving me a tumor or destroying my ambition.

i start now.

i'm a little concerned about work.
i'm a little concerned about play.
i'm very concerned about tomorrow
and god forbid what goes on the next day.

this is how we get things done

he departed as a cliche

a kindred,

but broken

spirit

spigot

and you said
there goes a man

who lost everything

and your voice kinda quivered on the second part and i could tell we were both on the verge of tears

it's witchcraft

there goes a man

who’s lost everything

and when there’s nothing

there’s a blue steam under the pillowcase surface

the other side is cooler

always has been

but tonight is different

rock bottom turns to quicksand

woodward bound

i noticed you from a distance and was moved

my druthers would urge me to move even closer

even more closely

and i saw that overwhelming pure light

it did something even anesthesia can’t do to me

TKO

stunned— your orange aura and team spirit

well, before i go into that, remember when you said

i really do not know what to say and i’m never at a loss for words

so it is with me, JINX!

i was at a loss but when i lose, i lose consistently

and i want a name when i lose

but you’re sleeping with the enemy

we have something in common.

difference

when you are speechless you stop

at times, for me, when i don’t have the words, they come out involuntarily

since i have no internal filter

so all that was the long way around saying that when i saw you

instead

of

freezing

up

or

becoming human petrification

i spoke ‘god bless you’

and thus begun the courtship

and just when i knew thought you had given up on me,

you gave me the greatest day of my life and i want to see you ever day and

be your boyfriend

Nota dema

Don’t worry about anything. Be happy because everything is going your way more than it has in a long time. Just work on your portion control and exercise and smoke the cuban cigar that’s goin out while you droid and drive

tidal wave of nostalgia in the biting cold

Just surged thru me as I’m ridin to gas station w christina (I’m droiding and driving as she holds the wheel). I was talkin to james cobra and thinkin about past present and future with that old friend… I was just about to change my current city from austin back to one in alabama. I was thinking about whether I should think broad or specific as to which city/suburb/town to represent.

Then I remembered when you said you either wanted to live in crestwood or [somewhere I don’t remember] if you stayed in alabama and I remember how that just blew me away; almost as spiritual as finding out you were a trekkie because I represent the legendary heart of dixie by way of crestwood and I lived there the first twelve years of my life and I always wanted to move back to that same house in crestwood.

Its the one I left to move out here to clay, alabama where I met my first clay friend, james cobra.

The wave of nostalgia and angst and maybe fear/panic hit me wondering just how many memories and reminders and triggers would come with that old house. I remember the sound of the dove singing. It still calms me. I remember my great grandmother. I remember the in-ground swimming pool my dad built himself in nine days.

But the wave was a bad rush. Not a good one. You’re not enough to cause that level of a rxn. Maybe I’m just afraid of nostalgia itself.

I wish id written this better and maybe started earlier.

“And everythangs a dollar…

In this box”

—tom waits