1 after another

sigh
i enjoy you when you're tangible (under the circumstances)
but i've been thru inconsistency way too much and i'm reluctant to go back
it doesn't help that i'm at the lowest point of my life and detoxing and lonely and desolate
so this isn't just me being melodramatic or desperate or pathetic about you and me
in addition to thinking about you, i'm having a very hard time.

and it won't let up. there's no break. nothing. it's so bad and everything keeps fucking up that i almost have to laugh, bitterly, into the cold

because there has to be a higher power or a curse or something

because if the universe was indifferent,

then this much bad shit one-after-another would not happen

caramel & creme

• • 

    Matt Misso has this image where
    

    
    I see you swimming in white, luminescent sheets
    
    I see the top of your head
    
    From behind
    
    Your golden hair
    
    Shoulders
    
    Back
    
    The creme climbing the fair silken flesh
    
    Most of your ass but it's barely obscured by the cloth
    
    still ascending from your base
    
    Ever up

    
    

    arla Tunello Ha ha j/k...what song ii quoting boy?
  • 2 minutes ago ·
  • 
    
  • 

    Matt Misso no song. i just made it up in a text

enjoy it while you can kid you'll miss it later

remember when we were kids and blackouts were almost like holidays?

well, at least they broke up the monotony some.

we don't like blackouts as much these days.

yeah part of it is because we grew up and aren't as handily amused

then some of our growths were stunted, emotionally, by drugs.

i theorize that the correlation between central electricity and age may not even be the overarching cause.

sure, it's bad not to have power in most human settings... since the industrial revolution

woody guthrie is one of the reasons we're all saying what we want to say online. he said, himself, that there "ain't no country extry fine.. when you're just a mile from the end of the [power] line"

but we scream and cry and panic when our phones and computers because of the grib they have.

since it coincides with my decision to stay busier while work and school are sparse,

i have decided that i will embrace every much-needed break from technology gone awry. i've neglected reading, academia, friendships, real life events

to be sitting here, jet lagged, at 7:50am typing this

i will walk every day. i will never lie on the couch again. while my phone is broken, i'll do something constructive, creative. fear is the mind killer, but convenient technology is the talent killer.

i'll strive to sink as much time into self-expression (particularly when it goes back as far as histroy, like playing a musical instrument) as i do online.

i'm glad this phone is a piece of shit. today i make a change. today i stop giving a fuck that the talent-crusher isn't giving me a tumor or destroying my ambition.

i start now.

i'm a little concerned about work.
i'm a little concerned about play.
i'm very concerned about tomorrow
and god forbid what goes on the next day.

this is how we get things done

he departed as a cliche

a kindred,

but broken

spirit

spigot

and you said
there goes a man

who lost everything

and your voice kinda quivered on the second part and i could tell we were both on the verge of tears

it's witchcraft

there goes a man

who’s lost everything

and when there’s nothing

there’s a blue steam under the pillowcase surface

the other side is cooler

always has been

but tonight is different

rock bottom turns to quicksand

woodward bound

i noticed you from a distance and was moved

my druthers would urge me to move even closer

even more closely

and i saw that overwhelming pure light

it did something even anesthesia can’t do to me

TKO

stunned— your orange aura and team spirit

well, before i go into that, remember when you said

i really do not know what to say and i’m never at a loss for words

so it is with me, JINX!

i was at a loss but when i lose, i lose consistently

and i want a name when i lose

but you’re sleeping with the enemy

we have something in common.

difference

when you are speechless you stop

at times, for me, when i don’t have the words, they come out involuntarily

since i have no internal filter

so all that was the long way around saying that when i saw you

instead

of

freezing

up

or

becoming human petrification

i spoke ‘god bless you’

and thus begun the courtship

and just when i knew thought you had given up on me,

you gave me the greatest day of my life and i want to see you ever day and

be your boyfriend